God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too Good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His Heart.
Have you ever just not know what to say? Most of you know what has happened in my life the past several months, and some of you have even asked me why haven't I blogged about it. I just haven't known what to say, because talking about it is hard. It's easier just to swollow the lump in my throat, blink back the tears and brush past it quickly. And now it's all hitting me hard.
On May 17th, 2009 Nana went to be with Jesus
On June 9th, 2009 My dear, dear Aunt Betty went to be with Jesus
and on August 22nd, 2009 My Grandpa went to be with Jesus
It's been hard for me to address Nana's death, because I honestly did not have the greatest relationship with her. I loved her, I know she loved me...but we weren't close. If I were honest, which I really am trying to be, most of the time I did not look forward to seeing her. I knew that she would lay some guilt trip on me for not spending more time with her. But she was still my Nana, and I am so thankful that God was ready for her for many reasons.
Aunt Betty was always there. Always. Easy to talk to, she told us the facts about our family that no one else would! She called me Darlin' or Stephy, and probably still would be calling me that! She was so strong, so wise...
5 days ago Grandpa died. He had alzheimers. The thing that makes it so difficult for me is that I will never see him again, at least not on earth. He was cremated. I have always thought that I wanted to be cremated, it's cheaper, right? And I didn't want people laying all over my dead body, weeping. Pam told me once that it helps people in the grieving process if they can say "good-bye" to the body. I never thought there was anything to that, until now. I hated Nana's funeral. They closed the casket, and then they re-opened it! No, not okay, not for me!
I'm sad that I kept telling myself that Matt would have time to meet Grandpa...that we'd take a trip to Texas on one of our vacations and spend a week there. I only have 10 days of vacation, and they tend to get reserved pretty quickly (pardon the complaint). I just thought there was time, and there wasn't.
So here are the essentials to our annual summer trip to Grandpa's farm in Texas:
Grandpa singing "Cinder-fella and His Sad Ugly Blisters" (he had to have made this up, I can't find lyrics anywhere) and playing his guitar. The best is when Dad and Uncle Tom would play along with their guitars.
Cards and/or dominoes
Blue Bell Icecream that Grandpa wasn't supposed to eat
Homemade tamales
Collecting eggs from the chickens
Attempting to catch any of the 100's of kittens that took up residence in Grandpa's shed.
Fishing with Grandpa in his pond
Old pictures of our family
I know this post has been disjointed and a little rambling, but it's helped me. I hope that I didn't depress ya'll!
"You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"
Psalm 56:7-9
